Melancholy Birthday

67270_1667600973928_1354428950_31780469_3925028_nToday is my birthday and I am nauseous, anxious and completely out of sorts, not because I’m concerned about getting older or that life is passing me by, not at all, I LOVE everything about my life. I’m feeling this way because my little girl, who is almost 18 but not quite, is on her first solo trip to New York City to meet with her agents and get this modeling ball-a-rolling. I am so excited for her and I hope fabulous things come from this trip. But when they do then this will just be the first of many solo trips that she will be taking all around the world.

I wanted to be with her, had every intention of dropping all my birthday plans and leaving on very short notice to NY. But after back and forth talks with her agents they said that they really wanted Beth to come alone to show that she’s ready for all this. Sure I could have snuck along, I could have gotten a hotel room and stayed out of the picture. But if this is really what she wants and what we’ve been working towards then how is that going to help her in the long run? She wants to model, she is willing to put college on hold (and she is really excited about college) she is willing to leave her family (OK that’s more like eager) to travel this world and strut her stuff.

She can do this, granted she can’t put air in her tires without having a complete melt down, but she can do this. Flying is no problem, she’s been flying across the country since she was a baby, last year she flew by herself to visit a friend in Chattanooga. So I’m not worried about that, well except I do worry when my kids fly and I track their flights to make sure they are where they are supposed to be. I don’t sleep while they’re flying which is hard if they’re on a red eye flight, but I have to know that they are safe. I tend to be slightly neurotic, I know this.

Once she gets to the airport she’ll have a driver with her name on a sign ready to pick her up, easy enough. She’ll go straight to the model apartment, that has a doorman and she’ll get her key and head on up to her room. Which she will be sharing with 3 other girls, 1 of which will actually be sharing her bedroom, much like a dorm room. All should be well and hopefully I’ll be getting text updates letting me know all is going as planned. (**Beth’s flight was last night and all went just as planned, she safely made it to the apartment and we skyped for quite awhile.)

Now this morning the excitement begins, she needs to get herself to the agency by 10:30. Her apartment is in East Village the agency is in SoHo, they’re not far apart. You could walk if you were up for a bit of a hike. Since NYC recently got 19 inches of snow she’ll probably opt for some mode of transportation. We’ve asked her to take taxi’s she wants to take the subway. As long as there are other people on the platform and she’s not all alone I’m ok with that. Unfortunately, how do you know that until you get down there.

I’m also worried about her eating, she simply doesn’t. Not because she’s trying to lose weight just because food is not important to her. Coffee on the other hand is very important. She’ll find a coffee shop and hopefully she’ll also eat. She doesn’t have a lot of reserves, so if she doesn’t eat eventually she’ll feel sick. When I’m with her I make her eat, at the very least a protein bar. She’ll have to do this on her own. I worry she won’t. She’ll get busy, distracted, nervous all things that make eating not in her consciousness. I threw a couple protein bars in her bag along with some fruit snacks and dark chocolate, all the essentials.

And once she get to the agency, then I don’t know what happens next. They’ll have her days planned and I don’t know what that means. Will they give her a schedule with shoots and meetings and send her on her way? Will they send someone with her take her to get her hair cut (it really needs it) help her pick out the right clothes to wear and just generally hold her hand, probably not. But I wish they would. She’s so very innocent, she’s had a very sheltered life. At this point I’ll only know what’s happening if I get updates from Beth, I better get updates!

Then the whole thing will repeat on Tuesday except for in the evening she will have to get herself to the airport. Will they have that arranged or will she need to call a cab. I don’t know but that she can figure out on her own. She is really good at asking for help when she needs it. She can do this! Then she’ll be back on her way home before the next snow storm comes into NY and threatens to close the airport yet again. But she will be home and I will be able to relax, finally!

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3 thoughts on “Melancholy Birthday

  1. Sheila: My heart is with you. You are feeling all the things I felt when Sarah got on the plane for Spain.

    And every day, pretty much.

    We all love you. We have confidence in your wise, jubilant, empowering mothering. We have confidence in Beth. Sure, something will go awry. It always does. But there’s cell phones. And Skype. And her agents want her to succeed — it’s to their advantage — so they will undoubtedly do what they can to ensure that all goes as smoothly as possible.

    Today, on your birthday, I breathe with you. All will be well.

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